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TO ALL WOMEN -SHOW UP AND SOUND YOUR NOTE IN THE WORLD

Posted by on Feb 22, 2018 in Uncategorised | 0 comments

TO ALL WOMEN -SHOW UP AND SOUND YOUR NOTE IN THE WORLD

IF YOU FEEL FRUSTRATED AND WANT TO BE MORE POWERFUL AND TAKE ACTION TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE, READ THIS——-

Why is it important that women show up and sound their note in the world? Would you agree that the world has become unbalanced, that there is far too much aggression, competitiveness and unkindness in the world? I think so.

And many concur that we need more female energy on the planet in order to move forward in peace and harmony and for everyone to flourish. Let us be clear that this can be found in  both women and men. I’m talking about compassion, kindness, co-operation, collaboration, those kinds of values, which, in a patriarchal society, do not flourish. The Dalai Lama has suggested that the world will be saved by (Western) women.

How? Simple – by being yourself. Or, perhaps, not so simple. Because many of us put on masks in order to deal with daily living, and we come to feel uncomfortable with who we really are. Women in particular often find our rhythms and ways are different from those generally accepted by ‘society.’And we contort ourselves, sometimes making ourselves ill in order to gain acceptance. But is that what we really want – to be accepted by a society with which we are to at least some extent at odds?

The ‘being yourself’ I’m talking about is living courageously as your authentic self, according to your own norms and values and not according to anyone else’s. But it is so worth it! As more and more of us sound our true note – and everyone’s note is unique and needed  – we will between us create something different and something better. Do you  not think that that is worthwhile?

If you are not used to being this way, it can take some tuning in, some real awareness of who you are. You may need some help or guidance.

Having run courses on Confidence-Building face-face for many years, I’m running a 5-week online course beginning on March 01

SHOW UP AND SOUND YOUR NOTE IN THE WORLD: SELF-ESTEEM AND CONFIDENCE-BUILDING FOR WOMEN

It is a pilot and I’ve therefore set it at a low price, so it’s really good value.

Any questions, call 07940375147/01570218138 or email:shanharmony@aol.com

‘As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.’ Marianne Williamson.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR OWN PERSONAL VIBE-LIFTER

Posted by on Oct 14, 2017 in Uncategorised | 0 comments

—-Someone who knows exactly what you need, when you need it and what to do about it. 

GREAT NEWS  – you have – it’s YOU!

For sure, you are the best person for this job. Because – are you not the one who always knows what’s right for you at any particular moment? Will you allow yourself to have what you need? Doesn’t it feel good and confidence-building when you do?

BUILDING TRUST AND CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF

Do you ever find yourself hoping  someone else – a lover, a parent,  a close friend – will notice what would lift your spirits and give it to you? You could be waiting a long time! If it happens, regard it as a bonus, and a very nice one too. And when it doesn’t, it feels horrible. So – take charge and handle it yourself!

In this post, I want to show you that the more you trust and listen to yourself, the better your life will be. TRULY! There is nothing like having someone you can really rely on – especially when that person is you.

Of course, it’s great when people help each other out and do things for one another. I don’t want that to stop. What I do want is for you to trust and love yourself enough to be your own provider.

AND WHY WOULDN’T YOU?

Old stories about being selfish, perhaps. Simply not being in the habit. Thinking you don’t deserve it. Yawn! Those days are past.  You definitely do! ‘Selfish’ is good, when it means you are setting yourself up to be the best you – that way you empower not only you but everyone you come into contact with. And to do that, your deepest needs must be acknowledged and met.

Or perhaps you are not sure what you want. The following ideas will help.

  1.  At any time during the day, and especially if you feel less than your best self, ask yourself ‘What would feel good now?’ Take a few calming deep breaths, tune into yourself and listen to the answer. Do it or be it (it could be taking a rest). As soon as possible. See how good it feels to listen to yourself.
  2. Ask yourself at intervals ‘If I was loving myself, what would I  do or be now?’ And follow through. To make these ideas more accessible, write a list–I love myself, therefore— See how good it feels to love yourself!
  3. Be sure you have enough fun and lightness in your life consistently. Make a list  and include things which take just a few minutes. How about making yourself laugh; relaxing with a good book. Whatever works for you. Doesn’t it feel good to depend on yourself to make sure you have some enjoyment when you need it?
  4. Celebrate! Always celebrate when you fulfil a need. Perhaps keep a journal, or simply acknowledge yourself. That way it becomes a double whammy. And doesn’t that feel good?

I invite you to pop over to www.livingexcellently.co.uk and click the button on the bottom right ‘Discover the 7 Steps today’ for a free gift ‘7 Steps to Deeply Confident and Assertive Living’.

 

 

ACCEPT YOURSELF FIRST!

Posted by on Sep 13, 2017 in Uncategorised | 0 comments

DID you read the story about the young woman on a first date who went to the loo in her date’s house and threw her poo out of the window when the loo would not flush (presumably to hide the fact that she had done it); where it got stuck between two walls; whereupon she climbed out of the window to retrieve it, and got stuck herself, hanging down head -first; and the fire brigade had to be called out to rescue her?! True story.

It got me thinking about the lengths to which women will go to conform to some sort of distorted idea of who they ‘should’ be. In this case, it seems like the woman concerned does not accept – is ashamed of – her bodily functions. And, given she was on a first date, this is someone to whom she presumably may have wanted to get close.

MANY women act in this way, trying to conform to accepted  – and contorted – ideas about how it is OK for a woman to behave.Heaven forbid she comes across as her feisty female self! As someone confident in who she is. That might be scary and difficult to control!

WHY do women do this? Deep conditioning, a lack of support and encouragement, societal and personal, for being who we really are; a lifetime of being told we need to be different. Perhaps having been punished for being ourselves.

BUT, SURELY, the worst punishment is that of feeling uncomfortable in your own skin? Which is what happens when you are trying to fulfil someone else’s expectations and not being true to yourself.

DOES any of this resonate with you – do you ever behave in a similar way?

DO you want to do something about it and live your life feeling at peace with yourself?

HERE ARE SOME WAYS FORWARD FOR YOU TO TRY:

1. Stop what you are doing at regular intervals during the day e.g. once an hour, and ask yourself ‘How am I feeling?’ and ‘What do I need?’ Simply answer the  questions honestly.You don’t have to do anything about it and no judgement. Just accept what is, accept how and who you are. Perhaps use the affirmation ‘I accept myself exactly as I am.’*

2.  At least once a day, when you answer the first question and you find you would like to be feeling differently, after accepting how you are at that moment, follow it up with ‘How would I like to be feeling now and how can I feel that way? Then take some action in  support of that.

3.  At least once a day, when you answer the second question ‘What do I need?’ take action to support that need in the next 24 hours.

THIS  will help to increase self-awareness and self-acceptance. What do we imagine the woman in the story needed? To be accepted is what comes to mind. It is vital that we women learn to accept ourselves, in order to live in our own rhythm in the world, feeling confident to be true to ourselves and sound our unique note in the world. The world needs us.

*The late and great Louise Hay in her book ‘You can Heal Your Life’, which I read many years ago, created the wonderful affirmation ‘I love and accept myself exactly as I am’. She also suggests looking oneself in the eyes in a mirror whilst saying it, which is very powerful.

To download a copy of  ‘7 Steps to Deeply Confident and Assertive Living for Women’ click ‘Discover the 7 Steps Today on www.livingexcellently.co.uk.

To book a Confidence Clarity session, email me at shanharmony@aol.com

www.livingexcellently.co.uk

 

 

 

 

AN URGENT CALL TO ALL WOMEN – CELEBRATE YOU!

Posted by on Jun 20, 2017 in Uncategorised | 0 comments

Women are often under-valued because they do not celebrate themselves.  So that we thrive and flourish and achieve our goals, we really need to do this! Otherwise, sexist assumptions come into play, woman are undermined and under-valued – and everyone loses out. No good!

What happens when we don’t? We may become frustrated and feel unfulfilled because we’re not using ourselves fully; not offering what we uniquely have to give, and not showing up in the world as our true selves.  I’m going to show you how to put an end to this!

Big reasons to celebrate ourselves.  I believe passionately that the world urgently needs women’s energy and talents NOW. If we want to live in  a balanced, harmonious and peaceful world, it is largely women’s energy which will enable that. And it starts with individual women celebrating themselves.

What might stop you  You may feel uncomfortable tuning into how wonderful you are. Yes, women have been conditioned to stay quiet, but remember you are unique, with a unique combination of skills, talents and abilities, with a special contribution to make that only you can. NOW is the time to rise above feelings of discomfort, widen your perspective and sound your note in the world. The planet needs you!

Skills, talents and qualities.  We all have lots. Take a sheet of paper and write them down. Include everything you can think of  and things others have commented on. Talents – can you sing? Are you good at languages? What about spatial awareness? That’s one of mine – I’m good at parking in small spaces! And qualities – I’m quite sure you have loads. Organised, kind, helpful, feisty, good listener, fun to be with, to give you some ideas. When you’ve finished, keep the list safe, so that you can take it out and read it periodically.

Successes. Define your own. What you deem a success may be different from what anyone else thinks. I suggest you look back over your life and remember times when you felt good, when you were happy with the outcome; when you were true to yourself; focus on when you achieved what you set out to do; recall when you had clear communication with someone – that’s a success too. And what about when you simply felt good and were in alignment with your goals; that’s where it starts. Make another list and see how good it feels to read it over, in the spirit of celebrating YOU!

Physical. You are absolutely not allowed to say ‘nothing’! Not allowed!!  So much societal conditioning for women to look a certain way, but we are not going to buy into that. Your body and how you look are part of who you are. Please take the opportunity to celebrate it. So you may want to connect with gratitude for the fact that your body functions and serves you well; ponder on all the things it does for you. Think about something you have been given a compliment on  and celebrate that. I invite you to take  a look in a mirror and regard yourself with love and compassion – it’s a lovely, validating thing to do.

Essence and Uniqueness There’s no-one quite like you on the planet! Isn’t that something to celebrate? What makes you unique? What do you like best about yourself? As a simple exercise, put these aspects into a sentence, beginning with your name, and say it with conviction e.g. ‘Jane is a fabulous, feisty woman, very generous, a great organiser and fun to be with.’ Whenever you hear your name, be reminded of this sentence, depicting you at your best.

Here’s another idea – sit quietly and pay attention to your breathing. Become aware that, besides the thoughts, feelings and emotions which arise, there is something else that is constant. This is your essential and authentic self, who you really are, which is always there, no matter what. Really something to celebrate.

If you want to learn more tips and tools for celebrating yourself  as a woman, go to www.livingexcellently.co.uk and click on the link for your free gift and free Confidence clarity session. Thanks!

THE ASSERTIVE WOMAN

Posted by on Jun 2, 2017 in Uncategorised | 1 comment

There is a lack of clarity about the meaning of ‘assertive behaviour’ and ‘assertiveness’ – assertion is sometimes equated with ‘aggression’. One explanation for this as a response to a woman’s assertive stance is that, to some, often men, a woman expressing herself is regarded as being unacceptable i.e. aggressive! All the more reason for learning and practising assertion skills. Because, for sure, that is NOT what it is.

‘Being assertive is  essentially about respecting yourself and others. It is about having a basic belief that your opinions, ideas, feelings thoughts and beliefs are as important as anybody else’s – and that goes for other people too’; quote from ‘Assertion Training: How to be Who You Really Are’ by Shan Rees and Roderick Graham, published by Routledge in 1991.

The aim of assertive behaviour is to create a situation where all concerned feel respected and that they have gained something from the communication.

Some Tips for Assertive behaviour:

1. SELF-AWARENESS.  Start with this. Aim to become aware of your thoughts, needs, attributes, opinions, feelings, beliefs, qualities, talents – all of it. Know thyself. And accept yourself – please. If you don’t, why should anyone else do so?  In order to live fully in the world as who you really are, it is important you acknowledge all of yourself. And accept it. Yes, I’ve said that twice. You may want to fine-tune some aspects, but that can only happen if you accept who you are now first. Being assertive towards yourself is the first step.

2. LOVE YOURSELF. Yes, it’s similar to 1. And it involves an active commitment to being who you are and living authentically. A good way of making decisions is to ask yourself ‘If I was really loving myself, what would I do or who would I be now?’ And following through on the answer. It means making sure you have enough enjoyment in your life; that you live your values; give yourself treats, tell yourself the truth about your emotional state and about your needs; express yourself, sound your note in the world. In a nutshell, it’s about giving yourself the best opportunity to be your best self.

SAYING YES AND SAYING NO. Sometimes, you need to say ‘no’ to others in order to say ‘yes’ to yourself. It’s  important to know what is acceptable to you in terms of how you spend your time and energy; and what is in alignment with your purpose. Creating boundaries is an assertive act, and is a part of teaching others how you want to be treated. Usually, there is a gut instinct which tells you whether you want to say yes or no to another’s request; and the skill is trusting and respecting that. Rather than giving attention to or worrying about the other party’s response to your ‘no.’ When you are true to yourself, the world benefits.

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY. In Assertion Training courses, I often ask  ‘What percentage responsibility do you think you have for your own life?’ If someone gives less than 100% as an answer, I ask who they think is responsible for the rest—A common answer is ‘circumstances.’ Um. Who is responsible for the response to the circumstances? YOU! It is very pleasing and satisfying to take responsibility for all you do and be. There is a wonderful clarity and feeling of empowerment and confidence about making clear choices from a place deep inside yourself. If your choice does not bring the circumstances you hoped for – no problem; simply adjust for the future. No-one to waste energy on blaming. Just you doing your best. Who can deny that feels good? In which area(s) of your life could you have fun with taking more responsibility?

5. EVERYBODY WINS. In an Assertive communication, the plan is that each person gains. Whatever the subject matter, the other person is always treated with respected and the person initiating the conversation is mindful of speaking in such a way that they feel this. Not barging in with a request, comment or whatever regardless of where the other is at or what they are doing; rather choosing the moment with care.

 

I am planning online Assertion Courses – and am also available for face-to-face groups. You can contact me through my website www.livingexcellently.co.uk

 

HOW TO GET YOURSELF BACK IN ALIGNMENT

Posted by on May 14, 2017 in Uncategorised | 0 comments

If you are anything like me, you sometimes have ‘off’ days – days when you feel unmotivated or wonder what it’s all about. Of course, no-one can be ‘up’ all the time. Here are some ideas for living through such a period and benefiting:

  1. Embrace it  Everything happens for a reason, sometimes reasons beyond your ken. For example, maybe you have been working too hard and need a rest. (Research shows that those who rest regularly are the most productive). Maybe there are things going on in your life which are emotional drains. Whatever – welcome how you feel and accept it for the moment. What we resist persists; far better you give it attention than pretend it’s not happening. That way, it will run its course, promise!

2. Shed tolerations  What is taking up energy  in your life and not leading you to your goals? Keep your senses peeled for ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’. They will be energy drains. Maybe you have a person or people in your life who give out negative energy and demand your attention a lot. Perhaps something in your environment needs to change. Let go of these tolerations and give yourself some attention. You can fully serve the planet only when you are looking after yourself! Really take a look at what you are putting up with or any habits you have which no longer serve you. Let these things go!

3.  Re-visit your Values  You’ve doubtless done this before, but make a new list of your current values. These are things which enhance your life and help you to be your best self; like Peace, Beauty, Happiness, Joy, Connection, Appreciation. Are you regularly sufficiently topped-up with your priority values? Remember, these could emanate from you or from elsewhere. For example, Peace could be finding peace within through attending a Mindfulness class or being in a peaceful environment. Beauty could be wearing colours you love, having flowers in the house or going to an art gallery or reading a well-written book. Take steps to ensure that you are providing yourself with this sort of support.

4. What would make you feel good  – or better – in the moment? It could be something small like having a cup of tea, reading a book, going for a walk, whatever gets your juices flowing, or helps you to feel more relaxed. It may be lying down and having a rest. Don’t under-estimate the importance of that – after all, we are human beings, not human doings!  You are reminding yourself that there is always a possibility of change and attracting that to you by raising your vibration.

5. Put energy into your goals  Listen to your intuition on this one. It can work, but sometimes it’s better to rest. This is about getting on with your life anyway – taking steps towards your wider outcomes, even if you  don’t feel like it. As you have probably found, sometimes the momentum of doing this carries you forward and you actually begin to enjoy it!

6. Give yourself some love This embraces all the others, really. Ask yourself the question ‘If I was loving myself, what would I do or how would I be now?’ And be or do that.

 Access my free gift ‘7 Steps to Deeply Confident and Assertive Living for Women 

at

www.livingexcellently.co.uk

 

 

IS YOUR SELF-IMAGE IN LINE WITH WHAT YOU WANT TO EXPRESS AS A FEMALE ENTREPRENEUR OR EMPLOYEE? (AND DOES IT MATTER?)

Posted by on Apr 29, 2017 in Uncategorised | 0 comments

We are at our best if we are in alignment, in the flow of who we are, being authentic; and that means both our inner selves and also our outer appearance. How you look and what you wear can aid you in expressing yourself and how you wish to be seen as a successful business woman. After all, we have to wear clothes, so why not wear what suits you and makes you feel good, and enhances your self-image?

SELF-IMAGE  It’s useful to get clear on what you want to express and convey through your appearance; perhaps get feedback from a friend and see if there is anything you may wish to change or experiment with. Do you want to come across as approachable/sassy,competent/fun —or all four?! Your choice – and bear in mind  how what you choose may be seen/interpreted by others. Your desired self-image in a professional capacity may be different from the one you are happy with at other times. Or maybe not. Again, your choice.

COLOUR  Do you know which colours enhance your appearance? It’s a shame to see women wearing colours which do nothing for them, or, worse, drain them. Of course, the colour you wear next to your face has greatest relevance. If you are not certain what suits you, there are Colour Consultants who can help; and it’s great fun to ‘have your colours done’. You get to see which colours lift you and which do the opposite, and there may be some surprises, as you realise you look great in a colour you don’t usually go for. That happened to me with bright pink, and I now have lots of that in my wardrobe!

STYLE  This is about making the most of your shape as well as taking into account individual preference, which is an ingredient of the uniqueness of your look. Again, there is lots of advice available from Style Coaches and Colour Consultants. When I worked in this field, I found that something quite small – for example, the addition of a scarf – could make a difference and change the energy of a look.

CONFIDENCE  The idea is to help you to feel and be your best self and have what you are wearing contribute to this; to enhance your confidence. And, as indicated, individual touches speak to this. For example, jewellery – is that your thing? If so, what sort and why, in the sense of what that may convey about you. For example, I wear costume jewellery, which I love. I think it conveys a certain femininity and also sense of fun.

This is all in the context of us as women living excellently and authentically, ensuring our visibility, boldly sounding our note in the world and making our unique contribution. Have you experimented with your self-image lately? If not, give it a go and have some fun!

DO WOMEN WANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY? (Sound your Note in the World)

Posted by on Apr 4, 2017 in Uncategorised | 1 comment

I imagine the answer is YES! As a woman, of course you want to be taken seriously. And sometimes you may feel you are not.

That being the case, do you think you may compound the likelihood of that happening?

For instance, by just going along with someone else’s plan, even though you know you would prefer something different or have other ideas (thinking that it’ s ‘not that important’); allowing another woman or a man to dominate the conversation without speaking up; by believing a piece of work/writing/ whatever has to be perfect before you present it to the world, and so either delaying it or not doing it at all; telling yourself that no-one would want to hear  your thoughts or views. Do any of these examples resonate with you?

Perhaps the question is do you take yourself seriously? If you do not, why would you expect anyone else to do so? Your take on the matter definitely matters – and when you believe that, others will be more likely to do so too.

Here are some tips for taking yourself seriously:

  1. Be honest with yourself  about what you think, feel and need. Even if it’s different from everyone else you know. Your unique contribution is important.
  2. Remember the energy you put out is a big ingredient of what you get back. If you are not being true to yourself, what you receive will not be in line with what you really want.
  3. Have fun with it!  Periodically during the day, simply ask yourself what you feel, need, think or want.  Just answering the question will assist you in validating yourself; you don’t necessarily have to do anything towards making anything happen.
  4. Who is the person in your life whose approval matters most? YOU, of course! Authenticity leads to self-approval.
  5. Remember the times when you have expressed yourself  – that sweet spot where you are in alignment with your truth and expressing it. Didn’t it feel good?

CONFIDENCE is key. Loving yourself enough to express your truth requires confidence and a level of self-esteem. If that is one of the things which is stopping you, I can help. 

See www.livingexcellently.co.uk/courses for my Female Fulfilment Coaching

 

What is Deep Confidence?

Posted by on Jan 16, 2016 in Uncategorised | 1 comment

Deep Confidence arises from deep inside. It is about having an awareness of who you really are and deeply accepting that. Deep Confidence is about living in alignment with your true values.

As women, it’s important that we learn this skill in order that we may live authentically and in our own rhythm. Whilst we are trying to live in the usually male rhythm of society, we cannot make our unique  contribution to the world. It is only by being who we really are that we can do this.

Deep Confidence means being comfortable in your own skin. Rather than confidence to do x, y, z, it is a confidence with your own being, your essence. Fortunately, this is a skill which can be learnt. The more women who develop it, the more we can make our contribution to a just, harmonious and balanced world.

‘A woman in harmony wither spirit is like a river flowing. She goes where she will without pretence and arrives at her destination prepared to be herself and only herself.’ Maya Angelou

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Women’s Role

Posted by on Sep 10, 2015 in Uncategorised | 0 comments

What is the role of women now in the world? 

I believe it is to build Deep Confidence to be ourselves, to be in our own rhythm and to make our unique contribution; to bring balance and harmony to the world.

What are the essential ingredients of this offering? How might this work best?

Leading from the heart

Listening to our intuition

Co-operating with other Women

Having the courage to be authentic – expressing our opinions and ideas, regardless of whether anyone else thinks similarly; this is a unique offering

Attuning to our own rhythm

Appreciating and honouring ourselves

Knowing deeply that what we have to offer is vital to the flourishing of the world

Owning and manifesting our wisom and authority.

REMEMBER WHO WE ARE